Many times during the adoption process, the image below of Jesus asking Peter to step out of the boat surrounded the abyss of water beneath him and to Trust God came to mind. The moment I took my eyes off Christ and his purpose for us, I felt myself sinking deep into anxiousness, fear and despair.
Malakai has been praying to be a big brother for a long time now and we feel God is saying that now is the time!!
We had been in the domestic process on and off since 2008, 7 years prior to being called to China for our precious Malakai. During that time, we had failed pregnancies and adoptions, we added to our family biologically and adopted a bunny named Paas, and fostered and adopted two fur-baby pups named, Foster and Penny-Ling.
From early on in our courting relationship, Tim and I shared the same calling to adoption as one of ways we were going to bring children to our future families when we wed. That desire never faded, but grew stronger as life unfolded. When Kara had an emergency hystorectomy in 2012, we had already been in the adoption process and never saw adoption as a plan B for us, it was just a clear direction of the path of finding the precious souls who were meant to be in our family from then on.
We found that as our family grew, so did the fear of never being matched as the wait time was growing longer and the feedback that we found most of the time was,
“They look like a really nice family, but they already have 4 and I’m afraid there won’t be enough…love, attention, money, space, toys, clothes, etc.”
This broke our hearts as that is so far from the truth. Love isn’t something that can depleted or used up by having other children, love does just the opposite; love makes more love! When you have siblings for a child, that child is born into a home filled with Forever friends and more love than could ever be measured.
On Good Friday (April 14th, 2017) We were told that we were to be shown to a expectant mother at 12 noon. From 12 – 3 on Good Friday we remember the immense suffering and sacrifice that Christ endured for us in silence and prayer. Prayer that places us at Christ’s feet all those years ago to be with him in his suffering, to help him not feel so alone. Therefore, we don’t pray for our own intentions during this time. This was soooo hard as I caught myself on multiple occasions trying to pray for this particular situation during this time as we felt it could really be a good fit. I dropped to my knees in total surrender praying, “Dear Heavenly Father, you know the desires of our hearts, you know what is best for us. You also know who our child is and whether this baby is our baby. I lay this intention at your feet dear Lord; I bring this intention to the cross as I have for so many years. Jesus I trust in you. I am here with you now, spanning time and space, you sacrificed so much for me; I am here for you. In your holy name, Amen.”
Right after 3’o’clock PM I saw a missed call from our match coordinator…it was “THE CALL!”
When I heard the words, “This is the call that you have been waiting for…” I nearly dropped! I could hardly believe my ears! Praise be to GOD!!!
Easter was such a time of thanksgiving and abundant blessings! We shared the blessed news with our family during this weekend. We were able to feel the true and measurable joy of fulfilled promises and new life ; 2 new lives as my sister, Hannah is also expecting!
We officially signed the match papers the following Friday and began telling others!
WE HAVE BEEN MATCHED!
We were told that we were expecting a GIRL and decided to name her, Evalyn Mae Jayleen after my Grandmother, Tim and my Mother’s and Jayleen is the name that our birth mother wanted passed on to our daughter.
April 27th came a phone call that we weren’t expecting and caught us completely off guard:
Caseworker: “Is Tim around?”
Kara: “No, he is at work till around 6, can I help you with something?”
Caseworker: “Well, I just would prefer for both of you to be here to hear this…”
Kara: “Oh, No, is something wrong?”
Caseworker: “We just received a letter from your expectant mother and she has informed us that a Quadscreen has been done and it came back Positive for Downs Syndrome… Legally you aren’t bound to this match as it wasn’t presented to you in the beginning, but we do need an answer soon as to whether you would like to proceed or if we should work on re-matching your expectant mother. I am so sorry we didn’t have this information upfront for you.”
I was in complete shock! Did I really just hear what I thought I heared?! What were we going to do? We already have a son with medical needs and this may be another situation of high medical needs… shock turned to anxiousness and that is when I hit my knees in prayer… I was overcome with a peace that I couldn’t describe, in my heart I knew… This is our baby and I knew that however it ended up, it would be ok. I just knew that if we didn’t get actual medical forms that could give us accurate information on what to expect, that my head wouldn’t be able to feel the same confidence.
The next week was the longest week… we felt the need to process but didn’t know what we were trying to process! We didn’t have any medical forms as the county where our EM is makes it very difficult to get any medical information. Finally, May 3 came with a glimmer of hope… We received word that a fax of medical information was going to be sent to our Dr. so we could finally have some medical counsel. If we were going to have a baby with Downs, we felt as though we needed to have more info. we needed to know what we were discerning.
That night came a voicemail from the PA at our Drs. office letting us know that the Quadscreen stated that in 1 in 1000 (1:1000) is that average chance of a child having downs. The Quadscreen stated that the levels of the screen put our pregnancy at a 1:53. We knew it was not a definite and we knew that God was guiding us and it was going to be ok. We decided to proceed and felt a newfound peace.
We received a call yesterday, May 9th, 2017, from our caseworker. Turns out that on May 3rd, the same day that we received the results of the medical files, that our EM was given a Secondary ultrasound that would help give a more clear diagnosis.
They said that they didn’t see any sign of Down Syndrome but that there was a chromosomal difference… our baby doesn’t have an XX as we thought… our baby has an XY and is a BOY!!!