Eyes and Beyond!

     Today is the day we have been waiting for since March…surgery day# I’ve lost count.

We never are “excited” for surgery days but they are always days of great anticipation.
A day that holds promise for Malakai’s future and a hope of complete healing. 

A “few” things:

  • Malakai is 5 years old and is still 38in. and (as of weighing in before surgery) 29.7 Ibs. for our little mans sake, I am going to round it to 30Ibs.  We love our pint sized powerhouse and don’t expect anything more of him than what God has designed.  We aren’t concerned so much that he is small, rather, that he hasn’t gain any weight in a year and has only gained a mere 4 Ibs. in 2 years! 

->  Scheduled: Dr. Walker will be performing a Scope and biopsy of his Stomach and GI track in search of H-PYLORI.  If it is indeed the parasitical bacteria causing him to be sapped of his nutrients, it will be another round of antibiotics to try and knock it out again.  If none is found, we will be referred to a Endocrinologist to try and find out how to help Malakai grow strong and healthy.  

  •   Malakai was born without a Larynx/Trachea; or more precisely, he had a level 3 Laryngeal-Tracheo-Esophageal cleft that left him without a usable Larynx/Trachea.  He had it reconstructed and we have been attending swallow and speech therapy since.  When we came for his eye surgeries last time, Dr. Prager wanted to take a check to see how the healing process was going.  He found a hole in the repair but didn’t want to do anything right away as he feared he would open it further.  Things have been healing for a long time now but Kai is still aspirating so he wants to take another look to see if he will need a repair redo surgery.

-> Scheduled: Dr. Prager will be doing an Endoscopy to check on his repair and see whether a repair redo surgery is necessary.  We are praying for a complete healing of that site.

  • Malakai’s eye sockets are facing outwards on the side of his face; like a horse.  He has severe Amblyopia “Lazy Eye.” His brain was not able to communicate to both eyes as we are not built to see like horses.  When we met him in China, he wasn’t using his right eye at all; the brain had completely turned if off.  When we visited the eye doctor at Children’s, she informed us that he had the eye development of a newborn in that right eye.  Over a year ago, Malakai had surgery on his eyes to release the muscles on the outsides of his eyes so he would be given the chance of Binocular Vision (seeing with both eyes) and to preserve the vision capabilities in his right eye along with building up some of the atrophy in the right eye.  He patched for a year and we saw leaps and bounds of progress in his eyes.  The surgery did give him binocular vision but also took his peripheral vision so he had some adjustments to overcome (Which he did like a champ as he always does.) Back at the beginning of 2018 we noticed a wavering of that binocular vision and the return of Amblyopia.  Although it wasn’t want we wanted to hear, we weren’t surprised by it as we knew that these surgeries are just place holders to help preserve Malakai’s vision until he is old enough to have the main Cranio-facial reconstruction. 

-> Scheduled: Dr. Braverman will be doing the reverse of his last surgery and will be tightening the inner muscles of his eyes to help pull them to center to help regain the binocular vision.  He will get a break from patching while he heals and then they will reassess when he goes in for his post surgery appointment. 

 

HERE WE GO!

Today Malakai will be having double eye surgeries, a stomach and lung biopsy, and a scope of his trachea/larynx at Children’s Hospital at 3pm and Becki overheard that he wouldn’t be able to have any food after 5am. This concerned her as that seemed awfully long to go without food since he wouldn’t be awake that early to eat so his last meal would have been dinner. 

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She took it upon herself and at 4:30 AM, I woke to the sound of an alarm. Becki wanted to make sure to give Malakai a liquid feed before 5 AM so he would be sustained further into the day. My heart lives for these moments; to see my children be like Christ to their siblings and others.

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11:30 AM: My mom came and gave Malakai a special paw patrol lovey gift to take to the hospital and to pray over him and anoint him. We are so blessed to have such a precious support system. Prayer warrior strong; praise God!

 

1:10 PM: After a siesta on the way, Malakai is jazzed to go. (I was parked at a long light in traffic) He chose his shirt for today. He often chooses it and it warms my heart. He is so very loved; Here in America and by his SHBH orphanage family.

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2:30 PM: Malakai has been snuggling his loveys (“Bloccoli” from Auntie Elaina and “Squooshy-Marshall” from Grandma Laura) and asking a lot of questions. He has calmed since I reassured him that he would be napping before they started trying to find a vein for the IV.  

 


3:05 PM: We were still waiting to go back… don’t we look dashing in our in our bunny suits?!  It made me giggle that Kai was swimming in their size 2/3 hospital outfit.
We love our pint sized powerhouse. 😍

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4:00 PM: Stage one was done in just about an hour. They didn’t tell us the exact amount of pokes it took to start his IV but they said it wasn’t nearly as bad as the last time.  I am so thankful to hear that; they said they were going to us ultrasound to find a vein to aid in a successful IV site. I am so thankful for aiding technology.

** Dr. Prager was shocked to find that the hole found in esophageal laryngeal cleft repair last year has disappeared!! No need for a repair redo! Praise God! **

5:10 PM: We felt we were moving right along! We finally got the call from the OR that we had been waiting for. “Kai is doing great and the lung and stomach biopsies have been completed”…on to eyes !

6:16 PM: He finished and Dr. Braverman came in to tell us that he did really well!  It would still be about 15 – 20 minutes before he was ready for us to see him, but it was a sigh of relief to be done all the surgeries and procedures and to have all done without a hitch.

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6:34 PM: We finally were able to see our sweet Malakai.  He was sleeping so peacefully. I couldn’t help to notice his precious body stretched out like Christ on the cross;  I promise son, all this suffering is for the greater purpose and this is one step closer to you becoming whole and healthy.

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6:45 PM: We were told that Malakai could go to the second stage of recovery in a room down the hall.  Malakai was recovering so well that we were told that we would be able to start the discharge process.

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7:40 PM: We were released! We are so thankful for all the amazing care providers at Children’s that we were blessed with for the entire day.  Malakai is currently cross-eyed but they said that it will calm over time. I will update through his healing process but he has done so well thus far; we love you Kai.

 

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Norick News 2017: A wild whirlwind of Life, Loss, Love & Trust.

Tap Tap Tap… is this thing on? lol

I know it has been a bit silent on this end and for that I apologize.  Sometimes in life, the roller coaster takes my breath away and I am unable to speak for a bit.  That being said, Let’s take a ride back to the start of the newest roller coaster of our adoption journey starting January of 2017.

 * Although I am going to paraphrase in this post, please feel free to click on the blue and underlined date hyperlinks to read the whole story of these experiences. *
     On Jan 16, 2017 10:57 AM We reached out and shared that we had discerned to adopt again; this time domestically.  We were met with many thoughts and prayers from you all.  The support we felt was such a gift to our hearts. We updated our home-study with Hope’s Promise and then started working with an agency in Arizona; Building Arizona Families.   
We moved forward with joyful anticipation…then the wait began. 
     Many months went by without any matches and we began to feel discouraged.  Then, on Good Friday (April 14th, 2017)  we were informed that we had finally been matched and were expecting a little girl come August!  We rejoiced and said “Yes!” with all our hearts.
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     April 27th came a phone call that we weren’t expecting and caught us completely off guard.  We were told that the baby girl had tested positive for Down Syndrome in a Quadscreen test.  We prayed and discerned that we were called to this baby and that we still meant the “Yes” that we had said, No matter what.  After some time, we were informed that they had done a secondary test and it turned out that the baby did not have Downs and also, the baby was not a “She” rather a “He!” lol we got a laugh out of that.  Feel free to read more by double-clicking the link: May 10, 2017 5:15 PM
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     Life went on and our excitement grew as letters came in from our Expectant Mother and the precious face of our son was seen in a precious ultrasound picture.
Ezekiel Ultrasound pic
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     Time passed and we became excited about where we were going to stay during our time in Arizona.  It was a beautiful house and we loved our time time there.
AZ House front viewAZ House PoolAZ House pool tableAZ House pool table 3AZ House 2AZ House kitchenAZ HouseAZ House living roomAZ House Malakai and Nevaeh roomAZ House masterAZ House boys bedroomAZ House Becki Bedroom shared with Grandma
 
Below are pictures of our trip and while we were waiting the arrival of Ezekiel.
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We first stayed at a hotel in one of my old home towns; Albuquerque, NM.  IMG_9089
     It was powerful to see Kai in this metal white crib as the last time I had seen him sleep in one like that, he was still in China.IMG_9093
     
Outside the hotel I say this “It’s a Boy” confetti! It made me really excited!
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We finally made it to Arizona!
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     Our first stop was staying at a friend’s New house, we are so thankful that they opened their house up to us to stay; even before they had moved in!
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     Tim celebrated his 38th birthday on July 29th, 2017 while we were there.
The kids made him a “Birthday Cake” Oreo birthday cake. 🙂 
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     We enjoyed visiting the Titan Missile Museum/ underground launch site.
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We finally made it to the house that we would call our own while we stayed in AZ.  Things started getting real and the excitement went to an all time level! 🙂AZ House front view
We had a ton of fun in the backyard pool!IMG_9314IMG_9322IMG_9327IMG_9370IMG_9353IMG_9483IMG_9476
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We got everything ready: Carseat and diaperbag…check, Ezekiel’s bed…check and I continued to pump to make sure my b.milk supply was where it needed to be for when our sweet boy arrived!IMG_9672IMG_9581IMG_9501
As the due date came upon us and there wasn’t any word yet, nerves and excitement energy was high so we all tried to keep busy and made sure to focus on how much we enjoyed one another’s company. 🙂 
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One aspect that helped the wait was a cherished visit from my best friend and sister-from-another-mother, Danica and her mother (Grandma Chanco) and her boys! 
It was a blast!IMG_9569IMG_9157IMG_9476IMG_9483IMG_9410IMG_9404IMG_9217IMG_9230IMG_9263IMG_9296

Before we knew it, it was time for Danica to go and there was still no word or Ezekiel making his arrival.  I wasn’t sure where my kiddos were going to go while we were at the hospital with Ezekiel and wasn’t sure who would care for them…. 

MOMMY TO THE RESCUE!!  My mom hopped the next available flight and arrived to AZ the next day.  We were relieved and now I know the timing of it all and my Mom coming out was ordained by God for little did we know what would transpire.

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We had a blast! We played games, swam and spent precious time with her.IMG_96450IMG_9639IMG_98630437B08B-C70D-43FA-9982-4F0B42D14830 (1)
Tim and Elijah even took a bike ride in over 100 degree weather together and found a really scenic spot; Precious memories for sure.
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FINALLY! 6 days after Ezekiel’s due date…WE GOT THE CALL!!!
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     Our hearts were bursting and our minds swirling with emotion and joy.  We finally laid eyes on our precious Ezekiel Jude.
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     Our family finally felt complete and our hearts were overflowing!
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     Ezekiel “Zeke” latched like a pro and nurse exclusively from that moment on! All my hard work to re-lactate and all our prayers were answered in this precious boy.
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I am so thankful that my mother was able to be there during such a beautiful and cherished time.
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     We were all smitten with our little man and my heart felt it would burst when I saw them soaking in the love they felt for our precious one.IMG_9798
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We were blessed to be able to take Ezekiel to mass multiple times and he was blessed many times.  This little man was SO LOVED!
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After a week of bliss and bonding….our whole world came crashing down when we heard the words…”There has been an issue, there was a miss communication and the birth-grandmother is fighting for him as the Birth-mother made it known that she wants her mother to raise Ezekiel but the prison didn’t let us know and now CPS is coming and there is nothing we can do.  We are so sorry.”
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IMG_0013heart faceIMG_0015IMG_0017 (2)We said our goodbyes and prepared the children as much as we could.  After a whirlwind of pain and blurred, tear stained eyes, we were left with broken hearts and a condolences fruit basket from our agency.  It was a kind gesture but I wish we never were able to earn it in that way.IMG_9980IMG_9984
We decided to drive through and not stop for the night at a hotel as we just wanted to be home…That was the most Quiet and stoic ride I had ever experienced; even the kids had little to say.
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Determined to make a fun memory, we stopped at one of Tim’s favorite restaurants to eat; Crackle Barrel.  It was nice to see some smiles on our kiddos faces.IMG_0042IMG_0043
When we returned home we had empty arms and empty hearts.  We were blessed to come home to a thoughtful bouquet from our dear friend Lisa and a basket of dinner from my mother.  We were hurting sooo deeply and yet we felt so loved. 
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     We don’t understand why things ended the way they did but we believe that we have a loving God who loves us more than we could ever imagine.  We have to trust that his bigger picture is one of mercy and love and we have chosen to respond with complete, vulnerable trust in God’s Divine Providence and love for us.
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Thank you all for your prayers through our hardest time.  We are forever grateful.
God Bless you all!

We took some time to mourn and moved forward with hopeful anticipation.  We were matched three months later with a EM due with a baby girl in April.  Sadly, this turned out to be a situation that the EM took advantage of the agency, the system and us and we were left heartbroken once more.  At this time we decided to meet with a grief counselor and mourn our losses and re-discern God’s will for our lives.  We went to him for almost 4 months and were able to heal immensely and grow in love and life tools in our marriage.  We felt very blessed and we were able to discern that we were called to try just one more year.  We feel as though there is a missing soul in our family and we were blessed by a generous gift from an anonymous donor that paid for our home-study update! 

     We don’t know what God has planned for us but we know it is going to be amazing!  Please pray with us that his will be shown abundantly clear in our journey and that our little angel will finally find their way to our family.

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     Our home-study update will be presented to the board of directors this coming Tuesday; August 7th!  We pray to be approved soon after and we can then be available to find our little one!  We are so excited for our journey to start up once more!
COME HOLY SPIRIT!
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Milk from Heaven

To some, breastfeeding is not the most comfortable topic of choice, and for others it is one of miraculous wonder; “Liquid Gold.”  Either way, you can imagine the reactions I’ve received when I use the word…Re-Lactation!?!

Say Whaaaat?!

I get it, I scrunched my nose at it when I first heard of the idea. Women who had weaned their last years prior were able to relactate; even women whom have never breastfed before were able to relactate!  I have to admit, when I first looked into relactation I did so more out of shear curiosity, but the more research I did, I realized that this was not a new concept.  In fact, in some cultures, the Grandmother of the baby to be would relactate during the expectant mother’s pregnancy so there would be milk for the babe if the mom was unable to produce for whatever reason.  Many of you probably have heard of the title, “wet nurse.” Many of these ladies weren’t currently nursing a babe of their own, but had induced lactation or relactated for that specific purpose! WILD!!

A couple of years ago we were matched  and I decided that I wanted to see if I could possibly re-lactate for this match.  I pumped and took herbs but wasn’t convinced that I would produce much of anything.  I joked that I was so dried up, that if I actually produced, it  may be powdered milk! lol I don’t remember how many weeks it was, but I’ll never forget looking down in the pump flange and seeing One. Solitary drop of colostrum.  I froze!

I…I actually produced something!  The body that I had felt was so broken and worthless as a woman since my emergency complete hysterectomy was… was actually producing something that could be life giving!

I will forever  be grateful for that moment. For, although that match never came to fruition and I didn’t try past that point of the relactaion process at the time, I knew deep in my soul that God was telling me,

“See, you aren’t worthless, you still have so much to give.  Trust in my Divine Providence for I know the plans I have for you. “

Fast forward a handful of trips around the sun, the amazing journey of God bringing us to China to our precious son, Malakai, his precious heart begging to be a big brother and God answering that prayer only 4 months after updating our home study and starting the domestic process once more!

I had been praying in discernment as I had a deep fear that I would fully invest my heart and body only to feel the staggering pain of loss and having to allow my milk dry up once more as I felt with my 6 miscarriages and multiple failed matches.  Then God spoke to my heart clearly…

“When were you ever open to life where your heart and body weren’t completely invested? Do you regret saying yes to that life when my plan was not understood by you? Every experience, sensation, memory and moment is a gift.  Some day you will fully understand; until then, Trust in my Love.  I will not abandon you nor forsake you. Trust in my Divine Providence.”

I decided then and there that I was to be open to everything lifegiving that I could possibly give to my future child.  I was no longer able to carry or birth my child, but God may be giving me the gift of breastfeeding; one of my most blessed, precious and priceless times with my babies through bonding and nourishment.

We recieved “The Call” a little after 3pm on April 14th 2017; Good Friday!  It was so fitting, we had laid these desires and prayer intentions at the cross of Jesus since 2008 and now, on Good Friday, our prayers were being answered!  I began the relactation process soon after we were matched with herbal supplements: Gaia Lactation capsules, Morniga, Shatavari, Goat’s Rue, Mother’s Milk tea, and Boobie bars! It felt so good to be doing something productive when the rest of the process was so deep in the wait category.

Soon after, on April 28th, I felt inspired to try and start pumping after visiting my dear friend’s new little son.  I was nervous to start as I knew this was when the commitment portion would kick in and I had to kick out my fears of “failure.”  That afternoon, I pumped for the first time with the shocking result of a decent amount of colostrum!  I was not expecting that much and was enlivened by the thought of maybe, just maybe, my years of breastfeeding weren’t over!! I was elated!

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I continued the herbs and pumping but found it difficult to keep up with the protocol with the kids still in school and other events, activities and stresses and soon my supply had diminished to nearly dry.  During this time we also were told that our baby may have Downs and so the hunt for information and answers ensued; taking most my time and energy.

I was almost ready to throw in the towel until I read a blog of a women who had also relactated. Her words spoke straight to my heart:

“Breastfeeding is more than the milk.  The bonding that skin to skin provides and the prolactin that is released helps you and your baby bond on a special level.”

And with that, I knew I had to give my all as I would anything else I have committed to in my life.  #NoRegrets

The Journey: Just put one pump in front of the the other  

Started herbs April 18th
Pumped every 3 hours for 15-30 min.
April 28 – first colostrum
May 9 – had a few droplets but not enough to trickle down the flange.
May 17th – Started (30mg,3x/day) DOM & increased herbs.
May 28th – upped DOM to (40mg,3x/day) with herbs.
June 8th – First droplets of milk that would trickle into the bottle and pool!
Continued Herbs and DOM along with pumping with hand pump first and using the massage while pumping techniques for 5-7 min. Both sides and then electrical pump. Or if electrical wasn’t available, massaging and pumping with manual until all ducts felt soft and empty. * I found putting coconut oil on the girls helped express much more milk out with the massage and hold and the line strokes downward worked great!!

And Lots of water!!

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 Journal entry if my Journey :

 BCP (Birth Control Pill) wasn’t an option for me so I took goats rue and shatavari, morninga,fenugreek and blessed thistle. I used the lactation support for Gaia and Supplements of blessed thistle and fenugreek along with drinking the “Milk flow” supplemental drink for those two as well(very tasty btw.)
On May 17th, 2017 I dropped the goats rue when I started Dom. I continued with the fenugreek, blessed thistle and moringa. At first my max dose of Dom was 120 and I got pretty good results. I am now at 140 mg. I haven’t had any side effects except for weight gain.
After a bit I was finding my milk supply was struggling. I was guided to try and drop my fenugreek as it tends to react poorly with DOM for some reason.
I found that using a hand pump with breast massage (using coconut oil for massage oil) worked better at first rather an electric. I used the Lansonish manual pump. When I started in with an electric pump I used the Medela PISA.
After my milk supply started coming in more, I reintroduced Fenugreek but only in the form of combo meal supplements.
I.E ~ Boobie Bars and “Milk Flow” drink mix.  I drink A LOT of water 💦 and try to limit my caffeine intake.
I baby-sat and held young babies when I could. Also, people have said that watching you tube videos of babies talking or playing helps.
It has been a lot of hard work and dedication but it has been such an amazing journey so far!

As of today, July 31st, I am now producing at my current max, 10.38 oz of milk a day; which I have been told is phenomenal, “Pre-suckling,” aka, before baby starts nursing.  🙂
We will be given Ezekiel between 1 and 3 days old.  I wanted to make sure that I was making enough to feed him on demand for any of those ages.
I am currently making (as seen on my running chart below) on average, 39.5 mls per pump.  Which means, At this point, I am producing enough to sustain Ezekiel for that 1 – 3 day old  goal of having enough(and then some) for Ezekiel!  After that, he will be feeding on demand and his suckling will put in the food order from then on! 🙂

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I am so thankful that God has in-trusted me with this precious gift of Milk from Heaven.

I am also thankful that I have been able to share that gift with our son, Malakai! He has been receiving this life giving milk through his G-tube since I started making enough to freeze and give to him!

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I don’t know how long I will be able to nurse Ezekiel and supply milk for Kai, via Gtube, and at that point, there are formulas or donor  milk that I will go to.

All I know is that God is amazing and he has bestowed on me, a gift that I am undeserving of and I will spend every day thanking God;  I am have been able to breast feed all my babies on earth in one form or another!

I feel like Elizabeth, I thought my body was no longer a vessel of life and God showed me his might and unfailing love by bringing forth new life from barren ground.

 

Exodous 3:17 ~ I will lead you to a land flowing with milk and honey

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Children’s Hospital Colorado Presents Craniofacial Night at the Rockies!

JUNE 20th, 2017

      It was such a special night at the Rockies June 20th!
Some of the children from the Craniofacial clinic at Children’s Hospital were chosen as
“The faces of Auggie” (In celebration of the movie, “Wonder” coming out; Auggie is the main character from the amazing book, “Wonder.”) 

     As a gift, they gave each child’s family tickets to the Rockies game! What a fun night!19748516_10211807842544851_6228541400404542289_n.jpg

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A Day with the Children’s Complex Cranial/Facial Team!

Malakai has been such a trooper today. We arrived here at Children’s Hospital (Main campus) just before 10 AM.   We are here at children’s being seen all day by the complex cranial/facial team.

Today Malakai’s Schedule of specialist visits are as follows:

Outreach coordinator(Jamie Idelberg) ~ With the “WONDER” book and now the movie coming up, they have started a new outreach and they want Malakai to be a part of their “I am Auggie” outreach program to help those with Cranial/Facial differences to feel as special as they are!  They are planning on trying to do a Red Carpet night where all the kiddos in their complex cranial clinic will be able to dress up and walk the Red Carpet for an “Auggie Galla!” Children’s is amazing.

Psychologist

3DMD Photography

Speech Pathologist

Research Photography update (Kai is part of building a database of different rare syndromes that Drs. may not have ever seen to help diagnose in the future. )

Audiologist

Otolaryngologist (Dr. Allen*)

NeuroSurgeon (Dr  Wilkinson*)

Plastic Surgeon

Pediatric Dental specialist

Plastic Surgeon (Dr. French*)

ENT – Wasn’t able to make it as he was stuck in the OR; we were rescheduled for next Monday to see Dr  Prager for Kai’s post Op ENT apt.  We pray for those in the OR who are in need of the ENT today and we look foeforward are to seeing Dr  Prager on Monday.

* Named Specialists are Drs who have seen Malakai in the past.

Malakai had a blast with the 3D imagining enjoyed a feed and a nap during the specialists lunch time. 😍

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I can’t help to take and share so many pictures; I am just so in Love this sleepy guy! 😇💤😴

Malakai was diagnosed with Congenital CytoMegalovirus so Malakai’s Ophthalmologist, Dr. Braverman, and  Auditory wanted to make sure his sight and hearing wasn’t diminishing(which is sometimes the case with CCMV kiddos.)

* Insert from CDC.GOV*

“Women can pass CMV to their baby during pregnancy. The virus in the woman’s blood can cross through the placenta and infect the baby. This can happen when a pregnant woman experiences a first-time infection, a reinfection with a different CMV strain (variety), or a reactivation of a previous infection during pregnancy.

When a baby is born with cytomegalovirus (CMV) infection, it is called Congenital Cytomegalovirus infection. Some babies may have health problems that are apparent at birth or may develop later during infancy or childhood. Although not fully understood, it is possible for CMV to cause the death of a baby during pregnancy (pregnancy loss).” ~ CDC.GOV

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Malakai showed to be in normal hearing range! Yay! We will be checking in for another evaluation in 6 months to make sure his hearing hasn’t decreased due to the Congenital CMV.  I have faith that all will be well. 😇

Malakai’s eye apt showed that the surgery has been a success and has diminished the Amblyopia to 15% in both eyes we will still need more surgery in the future but we are happy that his brain is learning allow the two eyes to track together rather than cause double vision. We are also happy to say that Malakai will be able to be patch free for at least the next month.IMG_6984These CAT scan pics are so precious to my heart.  We obviously do not have ultrasound pictures for Malakai and these pictures of this sweet little profile and the picture below of his mouth and cute little nose fills that void in a way  what a precious gift.

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IMG_6987Kai’s skull! Isn’t this wild!! You can’t see the softened areas but you can See the open hole on top of his skull! Wow!IMG_6988IMG_7010IMG_7016

After 6 hours of apts. Malakai got to enjoy some well deserved fun in the hospital play area and enjoyed a scone that was almost the size of his head! 🙂

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lol I asked Malakai to try and pull the sword out of the stone. 😉 

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Kai wanted to take a picture of me. 😉

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The Noricks are growing by 2 feet !

     Many times during the adoption process, the image below of Jesus asking Peter to step out of the boat surrounded the abyss of water beneath him and to Trust God came to mind.  The moment I took my eyes off Christ and his purpose for us, I felt myself sinking deep into anxiousness, fear and despair.

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Malakai has been praying to be a big brother for a long time now and we feel God is saying that now is the time!!     16118037_10210276927832940_1076983717_n.jpg

     We had been in the domestic process on and off since 2008, 7 years prior to being called to China for our precious Malakai.  During that time, we had failed pregnancies and adoptions, we added to our family biologically and adopted a bunny named Paas, and fostered and adopted two fur-baby pups named, Foster and Penny-Ling.

     From early on in our courting relationship, Tim and I shared the same calling to adoption as one of ways we were going to bring children to our future families when we wed.  That desire never faded, but grew stronger as life unfolded.  When Kara had an emergency hystorectomy in 2012, we had already been in the adoption process and never saw adoption as a plan B for us, it was just a clear direction of the path of finding the precious souls who were meant to be in our family from then on.

     We found that as our family grew, so did the fear of never being matched as the wait time was growing longer and the feedback that we found most of the time was,

     “They look like a really nice family, but they already have 4 and I’m afraid there won’t be enough…love, attention, money, space, toys, clothes, etc.”

     This broke our hearts as that is so far from the truth. Love isn’t something that can depleted or used up by having other children, love does just the opposite; love makes more love! When you have siblings for a child, that child is born into a home filled with Forever friends and more love than could ever be measured.

     On Good Friday (April 14th, 2017) We were told that we were to be shown to a expectant mother at 12 noon.  From 12 – 3 on Good Friday we remember the immense suffering and sacrifice that Christ endured for us in silence and prayer.  Prayer that places us at Christ’s feet all those years ago to be with him in his suffering, to help him not feel so alone.  Therefore, we don’t pray for our own intentions during this time.  This was soooo hard as I caught myself on multiple occasions trying to pray for this particular situation during this time as we felt it could really be a good fit.  I dropped to my knees in total surrender praying, “Dear Heavenly Father, you know the desires of our hearts, you know what is best for us.  You also know who our child is and whether this baby is our baby.  I lay this intention at your feet dear Lord; I bring this intention to the cross as I have for so many years.  Jesus I trust in you.  I am here with you now, spanning time and space, you sacrificed so much for me; I am here for you.  In your holy name, Amen.”
Right after 3’o’clock PM I saw a missed call from our match coordinator…it was “THE CALL!”

     When I heard the words, “This is the call that you have been waiting for…” I nearly dropped! I could hardly believe my ears!  Praise be to GOD!!!

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Easter was such a time of thanksgiving and abundant blessings!  We shared the blessed news with our family during this weekend.  We were able to feel the true and measurable joy of fulfilled promises and new life ; 2 new lives as my sister, Hannah is also expecting!

We officially signed the match papers the following Friday and began telling others!
WE HAVE BEEN MATCHED!

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     We were told that we were expecting a GIRL and decided to name her, Evalyn Mae Jayleen after my Grandmother, Tim and my Mother’s and Jayleen is the name that our birth mother wanted passed on to our daughter.photo (3)photo (1)

April 27th came a phone call that we weren’t expecting and caught us completely off guard:

Caseworker: “Is Tim around?”

Kara: “No, he is at work till around 6, can I help you with something?”

Caseworker: “Well, I just would prefer for both of you to be here to hear this…”

Kara: “Oh, No, is something wrong?”

Caseworker: “We just received a letter from your expectant mother and she has informed us that a Quadscreen has been done and it came back Positive for Downs Syndrome… Legally you aren’t bound to this match as it wasn’t presented to you in the beginning, but we do need an answer soon as to whether you would like to proceed or if we should work on re-matching your expectant mother.  I am so sorry we didn’t have this information upfront for you.”

I was in complete shock!  Did I really just hear what I thought I heared?!  What were we going to do?  We already have a son with medical needs and this may be another situation of high medical needs… shock turned to anxiousness and that is when I hit my knees in prayer…  I was overcome with a peace that I couldn’t describe, in my heart I knew… This is our baby and I knew that however it ended up, it would be ok.  I just knew that if we didn’t get actual medical forms that could give us accurate information on what to expect, that my head wouldn’t be able to feel the same confidence.

     The next week was the longest week… we felt the need to process but didn’t know what we were trying to process!  We didn’t have any medical forms as the county where our EM is makes it very difficult to get any medical information.  Finally, May 3 came with a glimmer of hope… We received word that a fax of medical information was going to be sent to our Dr. so we could finally have some medical counsel.  If we were going to have a baby with Downs, we felt as though we needed to have more info.  we needed to know what we were discerning.

     That night came a voicemail from the PA at our Drs. office letting us know that the Quadscreen stated that in 1 in 1000 (1:1000) is that average chance of a child having downs.  The Quadscreen stated that the levels of the screen put our pregnancy at a 1:53.  We knew it was not a definite and we knew that God was guiding us and it was going to be ok.  We decided to proceed and felt a newfound peace.

     We received a call yesterday, May 9th, 2017, from our caseworker.  Turns out that on May 3rd, the same day that we received the results of the medical files, that our EM was given a Secondary ultrasound that would help give a more clear diagnosis.

     They said that they didn’t see any sign of Down Syndrome but that there was a chromosomal difference… our baby doesn’t have an XX as we thought… our baby has an XY and is a BOY!!!

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Praying to Adopt in 2017!

16114398_10210273567148925_4742324794088614549_n     After much prayer and discernment, we would like to share with you the next exciting faith journey for us!

     We are praying to Adopt Domestically in 2017!  

We are blessed to have the help of Hope’s Promise during this Domestic Adoption Journey and “Paper Pregnancy.”


Hope’s Promise
309 Jerry Street Suite
202 Castle Rock, CO 80104
(#: 303-660-0277)

 

     Malakai has been praying to be a big brother for a long time now and we feel God is saying that now is the time!!

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We are so excited but we also realize that the best opportunity we will have to be united with our God-intended Birth-parent(s) is through a delegated match; a match made between us and the birth-parent(s) prior to our agency finding them as an agencies reach is a bit more restricted than the love and reach of others and through word of mouth!

     For this, we need your help! If you or someone you know is looking for adoptive parents, please consider our family; you would be blessing us beyond words and if you or someone you know is desiring an open adoption, we also would love to have you as part of our family through the blessed connection of life!

You can also help by spreading the word, sharing our story Start Here: Our Journey/ Our Story, and praying along with us to find the perfect match!

     We were in the domestic process prior to being called to China for our precious Malakai and found that the feedback that we found most of the time was,

     “They look like a really nice family, but they already have 4 and I’m afraid there won’t be enough…love, attention, money, space, toys, clothes, etc.”

     This broke our hearts as that is so far from the truth. Love isn’t something that can depleted or used up by having other children, love does just the opposite; love makes more love! When you have siblings for a child, that child is born into a home filled with Forever friends and more love than could ever be measured.

     Thank you so much for reading this and PLEASE, help us spread the word and spread the love; our arms and hearts are open and ready.

❤️Peace💛&💚blessings💙to💜all!   

   

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